She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
