Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
