your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
