I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
