Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
