Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
