as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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