You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i dont even know how to be here
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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