Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
