sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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