I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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