6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize