New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
