i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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