the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
