Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
