so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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