just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
