talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
