Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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