1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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