my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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