I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Bring me that man meat
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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