they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
