Sorry, I don't speak sober.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
