I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
