yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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