I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
