My brain says no but my pants say off.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
