Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
