eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
