I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
