Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
