i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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