I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
