Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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