took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
