I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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