Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
