hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
