the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
