I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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