I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
