Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
