i already hear my dad disowning me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
