one might say we're banned from that church
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
