I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
