Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
