Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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