i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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