I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize