and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
