I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you never un-have a 4some
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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