Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
