I feel like I'm in dance class right now
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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