I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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