Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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