...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
