my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
