White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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