Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
