don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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