Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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