Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
