"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
