He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
