took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
