Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
